I think I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today because the first thing that happened this morning was that I got into yet another argument with my mother about having people over. I had planned to have my super delicious friend over to watch James Bond so I could point out just how hot Mr. Bond was...all clean shaven. :) Little joke. Anyway. My sister usually has school during the afternoon and my mom works so I thought we'd have a couple of hours to watch it and not bother anyone...well since nobody would be home. Anyway, she had taken the day off and my sister was not yet in school. So when I started to ask when my sister would be gone she got all suspicious and I told her I just wanted to have someone over to watch a movie and she just got really upset and accused me of trying to be sneaky behind her back. Either way, I would have had to tell her since I needed to know when my sister would be home so my guest could be gone plus I was not aware that I wasn't allowed to even see people when nobody else would be around. Mind you, I am no longer 15. I realize I live at home but I am also 26 and dealing with agoraphobia, if nobody is going to be home to bother, why can I not have someone to hang out with? It's not like I am trying to be rebellious or disrespectful, but I just don't understand why she won't work with me on this. Any parents here would like to clue me in? I'd like to get another perspective because I just don't understand. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do illegal things and I don't have people over that are shady characters.
However, on a brighter note, I did get out again last night. I decided last minute I was super bored and wanted to see my friend at Lit Lounge. Lit is waaaay out of my comfort zone but I was surious to see how far I'd make it. It's roughly 4-5 miles away from my house, which is really about a less than ten minute drive but it's the distance that can be overwhelming. I ended up making it out there the first time and let me just say while it wasn't too bad, it ws definitely further than I remember it being. The place was dead, I mean it was just him and his two buddies but I think that made it easier. He tried to distract me for awhile by talking about random stuff but after about ten minutes I was like "okay, I've had enough, I'm going!" I was very happy though, Lit is the furthest I've been in probably about a year now. Yay!
And really, even though the day started out rather disappointing, it ended up on a nice note. My neighbor had told me that I could hang out with my super delicious friend at her house and watch the movie there. So I still did get to see him and watch a James Bond be all attractive on screen.
By
KKaci at 2009-04-30
I am quite happy that he and I are on the same page about things because I must say, the affection is a definite plus! I could just curl up against him for
hours and be content. I guess that's what happens when you're super delicious....and warm.
By
kkaci at 2009-04-30
8 comments:
How old is your sister Kaci? I've gotta say, that sibling rivalry of hers sounds a bit over the top.
As for your parents' reluctance for you to entertain there ... I agree, that's a bummer given that you've demonstrated no interest in drink, drugs, orgies or shady characters. But hey, I guess it's their house and their rules that you're obliged to play by if you choose to continue to live there.
A hint of romance ? Nice to read that in your blog Kaci! Look what love has done for agoraphobic bloggers like Lynn and Marie ... it's good medicine, eh.
Shes 23 but acts muuuuch younger than that. We've had sibling rivalry for a very long time, just never grew out of it.
I just wish my mom would realize that it hurts me to not be able to see my friends.
Yes, a little romance and a lot of affection! I definitely can't complain. It's kind of helped me feel all cute again :)
I find your mother puzzling. Does she think that by limiting your access to friends at home she is helping you to get out of the house to see them?
You are in a tough spot. This environment of living at home is I think not good for you. But your acrophobia makes it hard for you to get a job and apartment outside of the home, which would is what would probably be what is best for you.
Sometimes it is hard to grow and change in your family dynamics. I have experienced this.
You need perhaps to lovingly detach yourself from their thoughts and feelings and concentrate on loving yourself. And one step at a time, getting yourself out of that environment.
I am recently separated and living temporarily with my parents. I understand some of your feelings. But unlike you I can come and go as I please. Stuck in here all the time. I can not imagine! Hope things change for you soon.
It is possible too that your dynamics with your family is contributing to your agoraphobia.
She thinks maybe it will give me an incentive to get out more but she won't even let me have a therapist here, which is weird to me. I think her and my sister are more alike and she tends to side with my sister more. My sister doesn't like it when people come over ever, even if it is just extended family.
I also think that I need to move out soon, I just do not know how that will happen when I don't even work.
I'm a parent.
Your parents are WRONG not to let you have people over.
However, good to see that you are increasing the size of your "safe" zone. I hope your fledgling romance grows into something wonderful.
I think she is trying to make things easier on my sister but I just don't understand why there is no compromise with me at all.
I'm not sure where things will go, neither of us really want to be in a relationship right now but I have certainly been enjoying his company and hope that our friendship gets deeper. :)
Sorry Kaci. It sounds like you are not getting the support that you need from your mom or sister. It is really too bad that one of them is not on your side. Its sad. But in the end we have to be our own friends and make our own path. And if the funny thing if you do they will finally have to change in reaction to the new you.
It just upsets me the more I think about it. They've been gone all day today but no longer tell me when they will be back so I can't see anyone while they are gone. Sometimes, I think my mom is trying to drive me out of the house or something.
Morrow - I am glad I have a close group of friends for more loving support. I am sorry to hear about your separation and I hope that things work out for the best for you!
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