Shoe art

"My business is to create."

So I've been spending my days doing some art projects. These are my latest projects. I adore shoes and so I decided to spice up some shoes that I don't wear that often. The spikes were a pain to put in but I love the edgy look they give to the shoes.
Added the spikes and rhinestones

By kkaci at 2011-01-18

Plus some cute hearts to the bottom of the shoe


By kkaci at 2011-01-18

Added the glitter and the ribbon


By KKaci at 2011-01-18

This too shall pass....When??

What do you do when you feel you are barely making it through the day?

I'm pretty sure depression has beaten me useless with a billyclub. I now see why isolation is sometimes used as a punishment. Sometimes I just feel like I am going to just explode. >.< The only part of the day I really actually look forward to is going back to bed and reading. I've been rereading the Harry Potter books, I'm on the 6th one at the moment.

Winter Wonderland

Well we got our first big snowstorm here. Lasted a couple of days and several inches. Compared to last winter, this wasn't so bad though. It came down in big fluffy snowflakes and was rather pretty to watch.

I suppose a perk to currently being homebound is that I've really got no place I need to be. So I don't have to scrape my car and brave the roads. Considering how much I hate driving in the snow because get really unsure of myself and that I get anxious about how much longer it might take me to get home, this really is kind of a nice thing.

I shoveled the driveway, watched the birds eat themselves poofy and made a snow angel.


By kkaci at 2011-01-11

Lately, I've been feeling really cranky about things but I suppose between being down again and being in the middle of winter, it's no surprise. I miss Logan, nobody really has made as much of an effort to be around me and I've noticed that lately. I'm not allowed to have people over so I understand it's not pleasant to hang out in the car to have a chat with me but it does make me kind of sad that only a couple friends make the effort. I feel like when I'm doing great, I make the effort to see them as much as I can. It is nice when people do come to my area of comfort to do such things like go out to eat when I am getting out more, I guess I am just really feeling the isolation at the moment.



I am looking forward to getting started with a new art project. I'm having a little fun with spikes and shoes, I hope it all works out, I'm waiting for the spikes and tools.

Other than that, I am still not getting out too much, although it's really hard to make the effort with the cold weather and sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it to make the effort to go out just to feel uncomfortable the whole time and not enjoy it. I am hoping Spring will break me out of my "hibernation." On top of that, I'd really just like to find a way to support myself. Through the ups and the downs. Something I can do from home that way if I do have bad phases, then I won't get so stressed out about money. I've been in a terrible state lately, worrying about finances. My car is getting old, but I don't have any way of getting a new one. I've stopped seeing a therapist because I want to be able to pay my bills and I'm unsure as to when I will be able to have a steady income again. I know I'm going to have to get creative but nothing has really set in with me yet. Maybe because I still have a lot of self doubts with what I'm good at or what I'd be good at. I don't know.

Hello 2011

So nice to see you! I must admit, while I don't know exactly where this year will take me, I am glad 2010 is behind me. Looking back, it was just a very hard year for me. I lost myself and most of my progress that I was so happy to have gained in the first place. A year ago, I was going further than I ever imagined and I was so grateful to feel like I had my freedom back. I feel like this past year, I've spent most of my time either dealing with relationship drama, break up drama, or being depressed. I feel like I've been put back on the sidelines, watching the game go on without me. Again. *frustrated sigh*

So here I am again and I get to start over, again. And I am alone, again. I am okay with being single, but there are days I wonder if I will ever meet someone who will love and accept me and my limitations. I do hope to get to a place where it's not such an issue someday but you know, there's always that wonder if I will fall back down again, and I want the security that someone else will be able to stand with me if it does happen.

However, I suppose for now, I'd like to find security in myself. I'd like to figure out something that makes me look forward to waking up each day. I don't really have any concrete NY goals. Just to be happy with myself, flaws and all.

Christmas ended up going well. I had awful anticipatory anxiety the night before however and didn't sleep. I still wasn't feeling well either, it just really put a damper on things for awhile but dinner went good, Jai stopped by and picked up the gift I had made for him before we broke up and it ended up being a really nice time.

NYE I stayed in. I was a little sad about it. I've been feeling really isolated lately. I am happier when I can see my friends and go out and I just haven't been able to do that this past month and it's been building up. Not being able to have people over, just makes it even harder. I realize it's for my sister's sake with her anxiety about company but sometimes it just really hurts. I can't even try to have people over when nobody is home. It seems silly that if I get my company out of the house and she won't even realize anyone was there, why I can't see people that way. More often than not, I feel like the odd person out in my family. I know I am loved but...you know, I feel different.

New year, new start...so here I go again.