I've been reading a book called Chinese Cinderella and the Secret Dragon Society. The author is Adeline Yen Mah, who also wrote Falling Leaves which was a memoir of her childhood. It was a good book, difficult to put down although it was hard to read some of the things she endured as a child. I saw the second book at the library when I was there the other day and had to grab it. I am really into Asian stories, I am also a huge fan of Amy Tan. Anyway, there is a part in the book where the main character is drinking tea, which she claims is very delicious. When she gets down to the bottom she sees a shape that looks like a cockroach and becomes disgusted (naturally!) and claims the tea is terrible. The woman she is with asks her how this is so when only a moment ago she was enjoying the tea. Her reply was that everything had changed because there was a cockroach in it! The woman responds to her that it is not the tea that has changed. The tea is still the same as it was in the beginning when she loved it. It was her perception of the tea that has changed. That the knowledge of the cockroach has completely transformed her attitude towards the tea. In the end, there was no cockroach, it was painted onto the cup to point out perception, awareness, and attitude.
For some reason, this has really stuck with me. In most situations, it is not the situation that is really scary or dangerous or whatever, it's all the way I perceive it. Doesn't make things a ton easier since the mind is difficult but it certainly gives me something to think about. I think the agoraphobia (at least for me) is a learned behavior. I'm not going to fool myself, there could be some chemical imbalance as well. I've been fine in situations before that I am scared of now so I think it all comes down to what I've been telling myself in my head. Unlearning these behaviors are certainly more difficult than learning them, that is for sure!! Anyway, I found it interesting and thought I would share :)
On a different subject, I stopped by my neighbors shop with a canvas dice for her and she really liked it. She mentioned a glass plate I made for her a few months ago. She gave it away to a charity auction and said that it went for a prety high price! I was pretty surprised but happy that people liked it so much! She wants me to do some more canvases for the house she is designing so I am happy to have some projects to be doing in the next few months.
3 comments:
You've come further along than many others I've seen.
To me, it's all about perception, and how to change it for the better. The only way to recover is to give yourself a positive view of yourself, your abilities and the world that surrounds you. Don't blame chemicals (even if they are partly responsible). You can change yourself in ways that the chemicals in your body never could. Keep practicing. I can't wait to see the day when you realize your problem is merely a thing of the past.
-Blue
I read Fallen Leaves. It was a great book, and yes it was hard to put down and so sad and unfair.
I love that part you shared with us about the cockroach and perception. It is so true. I have been thinking along the same line.
I am going to have to pick up that book.
And congratulations on your artwork being sold for a high price. That is very flattering and also congrats on the the fact that she wants u to make more.
Mr. Blue - I believe that too, that a lot of my "recovery" is going to be dependent on my perception of things. I hope I can break out of my rut!
Morrow- Thanks, I was very happy that she liked them. I always feel like my art is so boring so I was glad to hear that other people liked it too. I really enjoyed the book, I just finished it!
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