Birthdays and pushing boundaries.

I've been feeling slightly lonely lately so I notice my mood has been a bit more touchy. I am okay with being by myself and doing things alone but after awhile, it will get to me if I am not around people and/or if I am missing someone in particular. I've noticed a lot that my happiness ties into being around people, whether or not that is a good thing, I'm not sure but it certainly has driven me to get out a little more. I am definitely tired of spending the weekends alone. Friday, I was able to make it out to my friends bar and hang out for a little bit. It was moderately busy and I was a little on edge most of the time I was there but I was very happy to have tried and made it out! I know I really need to push myself this summer but I don't want to overwhelm myself at the same time.
Me at my friend's bar.

By kkaci at 2009-05-31

My older friend had his birthday yesterday and is celebrating at his soon-to-be restaurant today. It is in Dundee which is an area of town that is totally out of my comfort zone. It is maybe 15-20 mins away from my house. I was invited but that may be pushing myself a little too much. I have found myself being more curious about my boundaries lately, just seeing how far I can push myself but even at my furthest point, it'd still be another 10 minutes at least to get to where the party is being held. And sometimes even two minutes is a lot for me still.

I feel like my progress has been going pretty good. I have been having an easier time getting out to places the problem is now once I am there I am worried about what could happen. I feel like I am waiting for something bad to happen and so I don't like to stay long because I want to leave before I get anxious. Yet, if I could just concentrate on the moment at hand and how I felt in that moment, rather than worrying about what could happen, I'd probably be able to stay places a lot longer. I don't know quite how to shift gears and focus my thinking elsewhere.

And lastly, I miss my super delicious friend a little. I haven't seen him for awhile...I almost kind of feel like something is off but I am not sure what. Maybe I am wrong but I read into actions over words...I dunno. I guess whatever happens happens, can't change the way someone feels. I'm just grateful the way things have been going the past few months. I am beginning to feel like so many more possibilities are opening up for me. I think have a wider range of choices has definitely helped my mood and it has given me more hope about the future.