Moving along.

I notice as my confidence grows that I am more willing to do things that I was unsure about before. Yesterday was my super delicious friend's birthday. I really wanted to celebrate with him so I suggested we go to Dave and Busters and play some games and then do some swimming. Previously, I wouldn't have suggested this since I don't like to make plans because I am afraid I will cancel last minute or get anxious and want to leave. But I kinda thought that it would be nice to be able to do things with him that didn't involve sitting in front of my house. I'm very grateful that he is willing to come hang out with me here just sitting outside but there is only so much that we can do and I want to have more...memorable moments together. I figured that if I get anxious he would probably be willing to help calm me down or even be okay with leaving and trying again when I calmed down. The times I have been a little anxious around him, he's been really good about it so I think that helps things a lot.

It wasn't too busy at Dave and Busters which made things easier on me and I was really happy we were able to do something a little different. I have a gym membership at a place very near my house so we headed to the gym after that and did a little swimming and had some good conversation. I had a very enjoyable evening and I was pretty comfortable most of the night. I am a very affectionate person and I think I have met my match affection-wise! In most cases, in the past, I have always been the more affectionate one and at times that was very hard for me so it's been quite nice to have someone who returns the affection. :)

I was listening to Dave Matthews the other day (who'd have thought right?!) and I was listening to his song Pig. Here are some of the lyrics

There are bad times
But that's ok
Just look for love in it
Don't burn the day away

This part stuck out to me. I notice that my depression has really kind of taken a back seat but I still have moments. I've been trying not to get so sucked into those moments. Instead, I have been trying to focus on the fact that things come and go and the feeling will fade again. I've been trying to just enjoy where I am at the moment. Of course that is easier for me to say now that I am getting out more, but I think seeing where I am at from where I used to be...I should enjoy just being able to get out where I am able to get out. I am more aware lately though that moving out needs to be a big goal in the long run. The more I am able to get out and be around people, the more I realize how much it means to me and how it ties into me being happy. Also, having to say goodbye to my super delicious friend at the end of the night rather than being able to wake up next to him is becoming more difficult.

By kkaci at 2009-04-25
I have yet to make it to his house, it is waaaaaay out of my comfort zone sadly. It's going to take a lot of work to get to that point. Even when I was doing pretty good a couple of years ago, the area of town he lives in was something that was harder for me to get to. Anyway, I just miss having my own space, to be free to do what I want. I did miss my Hinduism class tonight but the one I really want to go to is next Tuesday on meditation. Anyway, I hope that everyone is doing well! :)