On connecting with others

When it comes to people, I tend to be able to open up pretty easily. I am an open book for the most part. Sometimes it takes me awhile to be open about the agoraphobia but for the most part, lately at least, I've found that when I talk to people about it they are pretty understanding. However, when it comes down to actually being anxious around people, even people I know and am friends with, things are a little different. Irrational thinking takes over and I tend to believe that if someone actually sees me panic, it'll be embarrassing and horrible. I'll lose my friends, people will think I'm a total nut case or stuck up, or a bad person...something along those lines. I feel like I will automatically be judged in a negative view. I've been thinking about this and having some discussions with friends about it lately. I am beginning to think that I need to give people more credit, especially my friends in this situation. Why would I even think I'd lose my friends over something like this when they are already aware of it anyway? Well, I suppose in the past I have had some rather questionable friends and there was a lot of gossip behind my back about it but those people really aren't in my life anymore.

I realize that many people with anxiety go through the worst case scenarios in their head and this is one of mine but really, this thinking needs to die. I need to begin to believe that my friends would support me through any sort of anxiety I'd go through. I think this might help me be more comfortable getting out to places, believing that there are people around me who would totally be okay with things and for those who don't know me, are probably too wrapped up in their own lives to notice me having a moment.

One of the books I've read that I love is The Art of Happiness. I think I have mentioned this before. In one of the chapters, the Dalai Lama talks about compassion and how he feels an immediate connection with others. He explains that by being compassionate it is easier to communicate with others because it creates this sort of openness. There is less reason to feel fearful, to hide things. When he meets someone he approaches that person from the viewpoint of all the things they have in common.

"We each have a physical structure, a mind, and emotions. We are all born the same way, and we all die. All of us want happiness and do not want to suffer. Looking at others from this standpoint rather than emphasizing secondary differences such as the fact I am Tibetan, or a different color, or cultural background, allows me to have the feeling that I am meeting someone just the same as me."


By kkaci at 2009-05-04

I read this book the last time I had a down phase about three years ago. This book helped me see things differently but mostly about compassion and suffering. Everybody suffers. It helped me stop feeling like a victim. Now, don't get me wrong, on my worst days I still fall into feeling a little woe is me but overall I feel like everyone has their own problems and if other people can get past their problems there should be no reason why I can't get past mine too. But back to compassion...I am re-reading this book again and this part stuck out to me. I think that maybe if I try to keep this in mind when I am out with people maybe I will feel more comfortable about having a little anxiety around them. Rather than automatically assuming people are going to negatively react to me, I should try to be more compassionate about the situation. I realize that I have some amazingly kind friends. Why would I even think they wouldn't show that sort of kindness in any sort of situation? I am sure my little negative voice will speak up and try to be irrational with me but I think I am going to make a little more effort in trusting others seeing me at my worst.

I made it to the temple again yesterday. I have been enjoying my talks with the spiritual teacher. He starts his Hinduism class tomorrow and I think I may try to attend those. It'd be good practice for me to get out and I think that some of the stuff he is teaching will be valuable to learn. I know that there is an entire class on meditation and the benefits. The meeting with the photographer has been put on hold, but luckily he seems to be pretty understanding about the whole thing. Hopefully soon though! My big goal for this week is to make it to Elite again and actually stay for awhile. I am super excited about going so I really hope that I make it.