Another snow day,

more animals

So yet another snow day. I know it is still winter but we've been getting a couple of nice days here and there so I keep getting my hopes up that there won't be any more huge amounts of snow. Last time we got about 8. This time they predict 7. I've had no motivation to get out all day and I've been a little crabby lately. So here I am, home watching another movie. This time I've gone with Spirited Away which is one of my all time favorite anime movies. Sometimes, I get caught up in thinking about how things used to be. The days when I actually had plans on the weekends. When going out seemed so much more simple.

I did manage to pay my car insurance, which was one of my goals for the week. And there were a couple of nice days I got out and took a short drive. I'm just ready for winter to be over. I'm tired of everything that is winter. I wonder if things will be a bit easier to get out once it's warmer out and I don't have to bundle up and brave the cold on top of braving everything else.

Back when I was doing much better, I got into modeling. It was nothing serious, mostly for fun. I really enjoyed it and I miss it a lot. Growing up, I never felt very pretty or photogenic for that matter but getting into modeling changed that a lot. Growing up in the Midwest and going to schools where 95% of the population was Caucasian caused me to want to blend in. To be a blonde haired, blue eyed girl. Nowadays, I love looking different and I appreciate that but it took me awhile to get there. Anyway, there is so much that can be said with a photo and I love that. It's been about a year since I've done any shoots.

I am with a talent agency here, every now and then they have an audition for me but pretty sporadic. Which is fine with me, I just enjoy it as a hobby but I definitely wouldn't turn down paying work! Or so I thought. I had recieved an e-mail saying they had an audition available for me to go to on Monday and I just needed to go get my photo taken and that the actual shoot wouldn't be more than two hours, which is about the norm for the ones I do. Not only do appointments make me nervous because I'd feel horrible if I had anxiety and just didn't show up but it was all the way downtown which is about a half hour drive from my house. So I had to e-mail her back and turn it down. The frustration of having to do that because of the agoraphobia made me really sad. While I am sure there will be other opportunites in the future, it just really got me down. I feel like I am watching everyone around me go about their lives while I am still sitting on the sidelines. I get bored easily and I fidget a lot so sitting on the sidelines has been hard to do.

This feels like one of my more negative blogs and I think it's because I've been so cranky-pants lately. Lucky for me, by Wed. it is supposed to be back in the 50s-60s. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.