I've always loved Calvin and Hobbes, even when I was young before I could really understand it completely. After all, for an 8 year old, Calvin has quite the extensive vocabulary. But the messages in the cartoon are definitely something to appreciate. And while I'm not much of a fan for redheads or whiskers, I do love a guy with green eyes.
Which brings me to the guy in my life at the moment. Technically, we are not together as a couple anymore, we are just together making the best of the situation. He lives in Arizona while I am still in the midwest. Even when he comes in town, there is not much we can do but hang out in my driveway. (sidenote: I am unable to have people over most of the time since I've moved back home and that is one of the rules, it's a long story but it's due to another family members' social anxiety issues) And unless I move to Arizona, I do not know if there really is much future for us. So, we both remain single but attached at the heart.
I always am asked why I bother if I don't see us together in the long run. And to that all I can say is that marriage does not interest me at all yet. Love interests me...everything else will just fall into place with time. So for me now, dating is all about just finding someone who I enjoy being with...an experience. And he and I have grown quite a bit over the years and it has been quite the experience, both good and bad. We are very close nowadays. It is nice to have someone to talk to before I go to bed and who cares about me in a romantic way. He happens to be in town this week so we have postponed Valentine's day until this weekend. Today, he showed up and brought me a dozen roses and a little stuffed animal. I managed to make it over to the gym with him to work out. I only ended up staying for about 20 minutes before I wanted to really go though. Later on in the day, he stopped back by and brought me cheese fries, which are my favorite even though they are rated as one of the worst food choices because they are so unhealthy. Moderation, right? Quite an improvement from the way things were when we were actually dating. Go figure. Anyway, it has certainly been a good way to start a weekend. As the romantic sucker, I love flowers. And you can not go wrong with giving me food I like. Ever.
So next story. My cell phone decided to take a little bath the other night. I was leaning over to check the water while I was talking on the phone, getting it started and it must have thought the water seemed rather appealing because it dove right in out of my hand. Doh. I rely a lot of my cell phone because I call people when I get nervous to distract me. I have a land line but I don't have many of my contacts memorized. Lucky I had some written down but i spent most of the night wondering whether or not I'd be able to make it to the Alltel store to get a new phone. I ended up not sleeping and going in the morning only to be told I had to come back later with the person who was the main account holder since I share a plan. Great. I got really frustrated that things that should be simple are just not at the moment.
The second trip was not as easy. I almost did not get out of my car, I wanted to drive right back home. Then I reasoned, I could walk in, give my friend the phone, and then walk back out and just have my friend drop off my new phone. So I went inside. The first ten minutes were uncomfortable. After that, things got easier, which was a good thing because I was there for almost an hour! Halfway through I pulled out my nintendo DS and played tetris to distract myself. But I got a new phone and I was happy I made it through. Course later on when I wanted to get myself a sprite at the gas station, I didn't make it but I didn't beat myself up as much as I usually do.
I've realized lately that I've got a lot to appreciate despite the difficulties currently. So I have been trying to be more happy with what I have at the moment. My depression has lifted a little and I hope that I continue to move forward to a more positive lifestyle. I still find myself worrying about taking steps back, I do not want to feel that level of despair again. I want to remain hopeful. Anyway, I hope everyone is well. :)
2 comments:
Hi Kaci, neat post. That's interesting about your fella. The distance is obviously not making his heart grow any less fonder :)
Gee I see a lot of Lynn in you sometimes, well at least in what you write about - so many similarities. I think you're both very brave they way you're facing up to and tackling your condition(s).
I also thought it interesting what you said about your household member with social anxiety issues. Do you think their condition has influenced you in any way?
We've had our ups and downs. I think that he tries to be understanding but a lot of problems have stemmed from the agoraphobia and him only thinking about himself in the issues we have. As for now they have been good though. :)
Thanks, every time I read her blog, I think shes go so much more courage! But I hope that soon enough I will get to that point.
It's only made it harder on me because now I don't really see anyone at all. It's hard to explain what I am going through then to tell people why they can't come over unless they want to sit in the driveway makes it even more difficult. I try to be understanding but I don't feel I get the same respect from her. We don't get along very well. I don't think she realizes the severity of her issues either. It's hard to get into detail without unloading all of her personal issues. I'm a really social person most of the time so I'm not affected in that way.
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