Adversity

Story time! Well, I guess not so much of a story as a bit of interesting information but you get the idea.

"The Elephant Truly Never Forgets"

The first trick an elephant trainer teaches an elephant is not to escape. When the elephant is still but a baby, the trainer chains the infant's leg to a huge log, so when/if the elephant tries to escape, the log proves stronger and he gives up. Eventually the elephant becomes so used to its captivity, that even when it has grown huge and strong, all the trainer has to do is merely tie the chain around the elephant's leg to anything—even a tiny little twig—and the elephant won't even try to escape.

It has become a prisoner of its past.

I read this and wondered to myself, "is this me?" I am a prisoner of my past....past thoughts, past memories. On the outside, I am a mature adult (I suppose that could be argued against) yet on the inside there is a scared little girl probably curled up in a corner somewhere. The more I read about anxiety, the more I can see where it has stemmed from. There are probably a handful of events from the past that have contributed to it but it's only me that keeps it going now. The past only hurts me as long as I let it. It is when I am letting past events haunt me or when I worry about the future is when the anxiety is getting to me the most. My mind wanders too much for my own good.

Sunday, I was able to get out enough to join my friends to go see Iron Man II. Great movie, I am a fan of Robert Downey Jr and I like his character Tony Stark. A bit conceited but unapologetic for who he is, flaws and all. Anyway, I was excited because I sat through the movie and thought things we're getting better then I've had a few rough days these past days and haven't gotten out much. Honestly, I haven't done much but sleep. I get SO frustrated when one day I am able to do something then the next I barely want to do anything. WHAT GIVES? Then I fall into depression because I just don't understand why the ups and downs. It makes me wonder if things will always be so up and down and really, I kind of lose hope. I don't always want to be walking on ice with my own life. I don't want to hate a part of myself because I feel like it is holding me back. I want out of this negative thinking and out of this rut!

I'm frustrated.


...and awfully depressed.


But things will get better. They must. I'm tired of being sad when I know I've got plenty to be happy about. I'm tired of being sucked into my own negativity. I read this article on the Oprah site.

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Know-and-Grow-Your-Potential/1

It basically talks about how to find your potentialand that your difficulties are given to you to make you the best you possible. I hope this is true and I hope I can rise to the occassion.