Survey says!

So I do these all the time on myspace, I thought I might as well post one here too.

Basics:
Name: *Kaci
Date of Birth: *April 8th
Birthplace: *Seoul
Current Location: *Omaha
Eye Color: *Brown
Hair Color: *Brown
Height: *5ft
Heritage: *Korean
Piercings: *Just my ears
Tattoos: *None,

Favourite:
Band/Singer: *Dave Matthews, I love his music.
Song: *I have a lot of favorites. But I love Crash and Number 41 by DMB
Movie: *Meet Joe Black
Disney Movie: *Lion King. I love Disney movies.
TV show: *Eli Stone!
Color: *Cerulean, depends my mood really.
Food: *Chinese
Pizza topping: *Veggies or cheese
Ice-Cream Flavor: *Mint Chip
Drink (alcoholic): *Don't drink that often*
Soda: *Sprite, Coke...I like most as long as it's not diet
Store: *Abercrombie
Clothing Brand: *I'm beginning to really like Forever21
Shoe Brand: *Don't have one
Season: *Summer/Fall
Month: *June
Holiday/Festival: *Christmas
Flower: *Roses, Orchids
Make-Up Item: *Eye makeup
Board game: *Don't have one

This or That
Sunny or rainy: *Sunny*
Chocolate or vanilla: *Either*
Fruit or veggie: *Either*
Night or day: *Evening*
Sour or sweet: *Sweet*
Love or money: *Both would be nice but love, always love*
Phone or in person: *Depends*
Looks or personality: *Both*
Coffee or tea: *Tea*
Hot or cold: *Depends*
Your:
Goal for this year: *To turn things around.
Most missed memory: *Oh, too many. Mostly that have to do with going out lol
Best physical feature: *I guess it depends who you ask. I like being petite.
First thought waking up: *What time is it?
Hypothetical personality disorder: *Hah, it's not so much hypothetical
Preferred type of plastic surgery: *None
Greatest ambition: *To really get out there and live
Greatest fear: *Fear itself it would seem.
Worst habit: *Hm

Do You:
Smoke: *No
Drink: *Rarely
Curse: *When I am upset
Shower daily: *Yes
Like thunderstorms: *Sometimes
Dance in the rain: *Maybe if it warm outside haha
Sing: *Sometimes
Play an instrument: *Nope
Get along with your parents: *Yes
Wish on stars: *Shooting stars
Believe in fate: *To an extent
Believe in love at first sight: *Yes

Can You:
Drive: *Yes
Sew: *Sort of
Cook: *A little
Speak another language: *Not fluently.
Dance: *Yes
Sing: *Not well but that doesn't stop me
Touch your nose with your tongue: *No
Whistle: *Yes
Curl your tongue: *Yes

Other Questions:
What annoys you most in a person? *Full of themselves, Liars, judgmental
Are you right or left handed? *Right
What is your bedtime? *Whenever
Name three things you can't live without: *Love, Hope, Oxygen...
What is the color of your room? *Lots of colors
Do you have any siblings? *Two
Do you have any pets? *Cat
What are you nicknames? *Chasian, Kitty, Little one
Are you afraid of the dark? *Maybe sometimes
How do you want to die? * Hopefully with very little pain involved
Would you take a bullet for the one you love? *Yes
What is the last law you've broken? *Probably speeding

In a Member of the Opposite Sex:
Hair color: *I loooove dark hair*
Eye color: *Green*
Height *Tall*
Weight *Healthy weight*
Most important physical feature: *Strong jawline, nice smile, strong arms*
Biggest turn-off *Cockiness, disrespect*

So anyway, things have been...well...going. I did make it out to the Hindu temple and was very pleased. The lesson was very short, only about 10 minutes and then after wards I talked to the Spiritual teacher about my problems and what I would like to achieve. He told me that he thinks I will be able to get past this because I seem to know what i want and have good knowledge about things. My therapist told me something similar so things seem to be promising. I plan to try to go back to learn to meditate. I have had some problems trying to concentrate and he told me he could help me and that there are group meditations in the evenings. I felt slightly nervous and towards the end, I got more fidigty but I made it through an hour. At least I made it there, I was wondering how far I'd get.

However, I am still experiencing a lot of anticipatory anxiety. No matter how irrational I know it is, it still tends to get the best of me. Lately, it has to do with being alone. I've mentioned before that this has never really been an issue for me but lately I feel as though if I am by myself, I will have trouble calming myself down if nobody is around to help me that I feel comfortable with. Specifically, my mom. So now when she leaves for work, or if she has to go somewhere, I've begin to experience some separation anxiety, to put it best. It's weird...if I wake up and she's already gone for work, I am okay but if I am aware she is leaving, that's when it tends to worry me. Probably a lot of it has to do with the fact that the last time I had an attack was when she was getting ready to go back to work from lunch. I keep on trying to remind myself that it is NOT the situation but the way I think about the situation. Yet, here I am still experiencing the anticipatory anxiety. I keep remembering how I felt the last time I had an episode. This is NOT something I want to worry about. I rather enjoy my solitude at times and there is nobody who can stay and be with me anyway.

Oddly enough, this sort of anxiety has been forcing my to get out of my house. Sometimes, I will go over to my neighbors house just so I don't have to see anyone leave the house. Today, I spent some time at her shop just down the street from my house and sometimes I will go to the gym to hide out in the steam room. I even was able to make it to the bank, my insurance agents and the mall. All within about 5 to 10 minutes from my house but still things I have trouble with at times. So, while I am grateful that I am getting out a little more lately, I do not want it to be because of a new fear. *sigh* What to do, what to do...