A break in the storm.

During a rainstorm, there is always a time where the rain stops, the clouds part just slightly, and the sunlight shines through. It may begin to rain again or the clouds may disperse and the sun will come out but you never really know. That's where I am right now. I feel like a little beam of sunlight has broken through the clouds and is providing me with some much needed light. It may start raining again, or maybe the sunlight will shine through stronger, but for now, I am glad for the break in the storm.

I've felt much less unhappy lately. Even appreciative. I do find myself falling into bad moods easier but they don't seem to be as deep as they were a few weeks ago. I've been re-reading a book called Count Your Blessings and I think that it has helped me find balance in my situation and keep my hope up for the future which ultimately makes a difference. Often I feel like if I did not have agoraphobia and anxiety my life would be so much better and I would be a better person. But I think I tend to downsize the benefits that I have gotten from it as well. I am quite sure it has kept me out of getting myself into trouble and searching for a deeper meaning in life. It has also helped me build about of my beliefs today and on how I treat other people. More often than not, it is easier for me to see how much it encumbers my life though but maybe one day that will change if I can keep hoping.

It has helped that I have been a bit busier lately. I've got a couple of paintings lined up to sell and also have been working on a scrapbook which I have pretty much fallen in love with doing. It's also crossed my mind that I would like to write a children's book. It's just an idea in my head right now but it's gotten me looking forward to the future and coming up with ideas. It's also something I can do from home which is appealing as well. Still, I do not know if I can come up with an interesting idea so who knows.

I've also been able to maintain my sessions with my therapist so far. I had some anxiety once but I made it all the way to her office at least and she came down and we sat outside and talked. Sometimes I get so far as the place but then I won't want to go inside or upstairs or the last few blocks. My comfort area has shrank and I have no longer been going downtown or really anywhere near there but hopefully I'll get back to broadening things again.

It does make me a bit apprehensive that winter is just around the corner. It's so much harder to get around and it's a lot harder to motivate me to get out. And I really dislike the cold. Last winter was so rough, there was so much snow and it was depressing everyone here! Hopefully this winter will be better.