Mood swing!

Funny how quickly my mood can change from being hopeful to feeling despair. Clearly, I have been having issues with the anticipatory anxiety lately but man, it is just draining me. There are moments where I just feel terrified, this feeling of dread. I don't even know how to describe it. I start out towards my destination, the what-if thoughts along with the anticipatory anxiety feelings creep in and I find myself driving back and forth between going back home and being set on getting to where I am going. I feel as thought there is a tug-of-war going on inside of me. Last night, I won but just barely and tonight it won. I am so tired of fighting...myself. And I just don't know what to do. I haven't been seeing a therapist because I keep end up canceling my appointments, I'm deathly afraid of meds and I can't seem to break out of my negative thought patterns. I know I haven't given it enough time, but it just seems like I haven't made much progress on that part at all. I feel selfish because I am so caught up with the anxiety, with myself, that I don't have the energy I usually do to extend to others. Then I fear I'll lose my friends or relationships I am in.

I find that more often than not that I have been waking up, only to find myself looking forward to going back to sleep. I feel like anxiety has beat me up and left me laying on the ground, heartbroken. Sigh Alright, rant over. This shall pass, this shall pass, this shall pass...