Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie...

Ever since high school (at least as far as I can remember for this) I have never quite liked February. I was never sure why, maybe it was just a bad month for me, but lately I think it is because by the time Feb rolls around, I've had quite enough of winter. Which is quite true. Especially this year. I don't know about everyone else but it's been a horrible winter here. Lot's of snow and cold cold temps. It hasn't even gotten warm enough for the snow to melt so it just keeps piling up. However, spring is around the corner and I am trying to keep my spirits lifted until then but it has been rough. I've found myself to be rather sad lately. I realize that I really have a lot to be happy about but I just can't seem to recognize it like I normally do. I am hoping it passes soon.

I am sick again which has made for a rather anxious week. Although even before I got sick I noticed I have been more anxious than usual and I'm not sure what is causing it other than maybe all the changes in my life and the small things stressing me out.

And they say don't sweat the small stuff yet I can't seem to let it go. And I am not used to so many changes all at once. I've lost a couple of friends, having some issues with others, I am feeling the stress of not working, and lastly, I am in a relationship with Jai. Which is a nice thing, it just came a lot sooner than I had expected and it has been such a long time since I have been in a relationship, I don't quite know what I am doing! He is the type of person who knows what he wants when he wants someone so he was ready to be in a relationship after a few dates. I however, move at a turtle's pace when it comes to making things serious because I can't quite imagine being serious with someone so soon. But, he is leaving to go overseas soon and didn't want to leave things hanging so I decided to just dive in and see what happens. It's been awhile since I've felt this way about someone and it's been fantastic and scary at the same time. He's very wonderful to me, I don't think I've been treated so well for a very long time. It's nice to feel appreciated and have someone to appreciate.

Lately, a few of my friendships have been changing, or maybe it is me that is changing. It's always had to deal with the loss of friendships but I am getting to the point where I do not know what to do with some. Maybe they don't like the person I've become, maybe they have become a different person and I wish I could just make it so that everything would be okay but I can't and according to my therapist I need to stop trying to make everyone else happy. She told me to just be me and whatever happens happens and I just need to accept it. Seems like a simple concept yet it is very hard to watch close friends become distant. However, I feel like I am spreading myself thin just to appease others and it is exhausting! And I end up feeling run over. So I am trying to just do what I feel is my best and let the cards fall where they may.

Being sick is not as bad when you have someone to take care of you :) Jai brought me the Tao of Pooh. It is a book that combines the teaching of Taoism through Winne and Pooh. I thought this was a very cute book and a good read. It's interesting how such wisdom can be found though such simple ways. Sometimes it's kind of nice to watch childrens shows as an adult because I can pick up different things than I did when I was a child. The book talked about living a simple life and enjoying the moment and going with the flow of life. Which is where the title of this blog comes from. Cottleston Pie is a song that Pooh sings.

I hope everyone is doing well! That's all for now.