Going with what works.

I have found that discovering what works for me is something that has really helped me to get out more and deal with the anxiety. At times, I wonder if some of my actions are selfish but I think it is just a worry rather than me really being selfish. One of the things I often worry about with the anxiety is that I come off as selfish to others. And I can see why they may think that, if they don't know or understand agoraphobia then yes, some of my actions could be misinterpreted as selfish but right now I feel I need to be a little selfish in order to take care of myself to propel myself to a better place. Women often tend to put others before themselves, which I have done in the past but it is time to make sure I am taking care of myself too.

One of the things that has most helped me is just finding my comfort levels with going out. Right now, I go out alone quite often. I always go where I know people but my doing this, it is a lot easier because I am not as stressed. I don't have to worry about canceling on anyone or ruining anyone elses night because I want to leave early. By meeting people out, nobody really thinks twice about me saying I have to leave early.

Many of my friends know by now that I deal with anxiety on some sort of level. Some people know more than others but by being open about it makes it easier because then people tend to take things less personally because they are aware of the anxiety. While some people still tend to get offended, it is just something I've learned to let go of. Not everyone is going to understand, and that is fine. When I want to do something that is more difficult to me, like going to a movie or a restaurant, I will ask someone who I know will be completely understanding of me. I have plans to go to see Avatar tomorrow night., which is almost like...3 hours but I am going with someone who is knows the deal and will be cool with me walking out of the movie, no matter how far into it we are. I still tend to stick to restaurants and movie theaters that are closer to my house, which helps.

I also try to not be so focused on the outcome of the night. I have the mindset that if I make it, GREAT but if I don't at least I tried. By not being so focused on having to be somewhere, it tends to make it easier to get myself there. Especially when i drive downtown. Since it is one of the harder places for me to get myself, I really have to just go with the flow. And I still do get disappointed if I wanted to go somewhere and don't make it but I tell myself there will be lots of other opportunities in the future. And hey, if I am trying, that is a lot more than where I was a year ago...so who knows where I will be a year from now?

Before I go out, I make sure I am prepared. This might sound a tad funny but I am sure you know what I mean. I always carry a huge handbag because there are things that I feel better if I have on me in case I were to get anxious when I am out. Some of my must haves are something to drink, my nintendo DS, gum, and my aromatherapy roller scent. Having something to drink and the gum usually helps when I feel my throat getting tight. The nintendo ds is a fabulous way to distract myself, I used it the last time I was at the doctor in the waiting room! And the aromatherapy is just nice to have, it seems to help because it makes me breathe deeply.

Lastly, I keep trying to be postitive and focus on that. I meditate, listen to my hypnotherapy cd and write postivie affirmations out daily. I surround myself with people who are positive and caring. I feel blessed each day that I have been SO fortunate to have such good people in my life. I do still get frustrated and depressed at times, especially now since it is winter time. And I do still worry about falling down. So when that happens I just tell myself if that ever happens, I will just have to slowly pick myself back up. It's taken some time but by taking baby steps, I am where I am now. And I know that I have people in my life who genuninely care for me and will take my hand and help me up if that is what I need. Being thankful for the big things and the little things helps keep things in perspective. :)

Me out on NYE.


By kkaci at 2010-01-12