Just keep swimming

I've been realizing lately that I've fallen into one of those ruts where I am so focused on all the things I've been doing wrong, or all the things I am unable to do. No wonder I end up getting depressed. :\

So I've decided to try to be more positive and focus on the things I have been doing right. And I have to admit, I'm doing a lot better than I was 6 months ago. Even if I am not getting out as much as I'd like, just generally, I feel better. I've been able to reassure myself a lot better than I was then too. I've been trying to focus more on gratitude for the things I do have. I think when I get lost in the things I don't have that I want, it puts me in a bad place. It's hard to stay positive when things are difficult and I keep running into brick walls...it's exhausting but I refuse to lose faith, because that is a dark place to be. Fall down 7 times, pick yourself up 8 times. Even if there are times all I want to do is just lay there. Have you ever watched the movie Finding Nemo? There is a part in the movie where they are swimming into dark water and she says "Just Keep Swimming" That's been running through my mind lately as a motto to keep going.

I still meditate. I still only do it for 20 minutes lol. Half the time I feel like I'm not getting it but still I do it. I've been sticking to exercising. Getting a Wii Fit a few months ago has been a really good thing. The days I don't feel like I can get to the gym, I just use the Wii Fit. I've been focused on things with my shoe designs. I've been getting people who order shoes from me every now and then. It's very slow but I hope that things will pick up. It's def been a good thing to have something of my own to focus on even if it does cause stress sometimes!

I have been single for almost a year now. Totally and completely to myself, no dates...nothing. It's taken me almost a year to completely get over my ex to the point where I am intersted in other guys but lately I've been thinking about trying to date again. I am not sure how this will work yet, I still have difficulties going to restaurants and movies but I am hoping that the right guy will come along and understand my situation. I hope that I can remember that regardless of the agoraphobia, I am still worthy of a good relationship. Sometimes I feel like guys are settling for me but everyone has their problems. I know I can treat someone very wonderfully if given the opportunity and this time I want to go into things knowing that I deserve to be treated wonderfully to. I know my circumstances make it difficult and guys have had a hard time in the past but that hasn't stopped really great guys from being in love with me, ones that I saw a future with. I won't ruin it by pushing my insecurities onto him this time. I believe in love and I believe I am meant to find someone who will love me for me and who I will love for who he is. Love will find a way.