Broken

I feel broken. By life and by love. So far this year has been one thing after another and I feel like I have completely lost myself and drifted off track. Maybe I was right when I had said before that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship because of the anxiety. I guess it is time to re-focus and really find my way. I can't keep floating through life like this. I want more. I want to be more. I want to see more and experience more. I guess it is time to shut one door and open the next...

It's been a long time since I have felt the pain of a broken relationship. I don't know how everything will go but I don't want the hurt to harden my heart and make me jaded. There has been a lot of hurt words and even more hurt feelings. It's hard to believe someone who loves you can say the things that are said, but I guess hurt feelings tend to bring out a bad side in people. I remember when we could look into each others eyes and see so much promise with each other. I remember thinking of all the possibilities. However it seems that we ran into difficulties from the beginning as it was never really easy for us to be together. In the end too much was working against us. I sometimes wonder if the timing was just wrong. All I know is that I need to get back on track. I think in finding "we" I forgot about "me". So time to find myself again. It does make me sad though. I felt I had really found someone who would walk through this with me only for things to not work out in the end. So alone I go again. I guess I am never really alone, I have supportive friends but having a significant other who wanted to hold my hand felt totally different. Something I wanted so much. But I can do this on my own too. I have to for myself.